I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
