dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
