I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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