i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
