i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
