Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize