1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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