She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
