thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
