Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
