I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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