You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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