mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he fucked my hip out of place.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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