I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
