so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
