i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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