You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
