just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
they need to just BURY HIM!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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