I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
