I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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