I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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