quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
