I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
