In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Barsexuality is the new black.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
