Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
