my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
