he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Two words: nipple clamps
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