bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
