Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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