all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my shit smells like andre
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
