Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
