Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
