I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
