i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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