3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
