and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i believe in u and ur pee
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
