Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
