Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
