when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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