When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
