i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize