i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
