yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
