You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize