brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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