im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
