I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He kissed a someone with a penis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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