yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
