Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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