I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
