i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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