Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
