Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
