why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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