I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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