Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
