Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
