Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
