I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
