He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
