u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
