he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
