The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
