but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't deserve a penis
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize