She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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