when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
