i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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