Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
