kristin has been a bad kristin
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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