i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
